her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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