Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
