would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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