Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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