Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
