Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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