o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
