it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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