oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
