Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
