Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
