so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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