This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
