And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want to fling myself into the sun
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
