I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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