I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
