So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
