I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
