i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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