You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
