Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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