TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
