woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
