Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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