You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
