The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
