So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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