I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
