Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
