I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
