You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
