shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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