i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
