The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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