Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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