I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
