I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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