I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
