I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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