her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's never too late to be topless.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
