I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
