his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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