The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
