1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize