I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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