I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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