Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
