i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
