She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize