.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She's the barista slut.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
