I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
