I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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