if only i could text you this smell
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
