Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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