Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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