Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
