stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
