Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
