the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
