does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
false alarm, still single
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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