i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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