I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
whose parrot is this?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
