Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
