Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize