He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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