Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
