Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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