the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
