So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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