Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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