Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
