hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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