He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
