I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
