I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
