I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
