Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My cat gives me a boner
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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