; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize