Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize