I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
