She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
